This is something that's been on my mind & heart lately. Views & opinions on this page are solely my own :)
I see and hear people talk about how their family is complete...how their newest child completes their family. And I can't help but wonder if I'll ever feel that way. See, my last pregnancy was supposed to be my last...he was the one to "complete" our family. I struggled with that a lot after my miscarriage. Kiley wasn't supposed to be an only child...we weren't supposed to only have one child. When we talked about having kids, we always wanted 2 or 3. I honestly never considered having only one.
The more I questioned and struggled, the more I heard God telling me something. See, our family is complete and it has nothing to do with how many kids are in it. Before Kiley, Brad and I were complete. Before Brad, I was complete. I am complete and it's because of God. Whether we have zero more kids or ten more kids (not really) we are complete. God calls us his children and that is enough! That is everything! Everything else is bonus. If I learned anything from my miscarriage (and I learned a lot) it's that I can't put my family in God's place. And I had done that. As much as I love Brad and Kiley, they are not my Savior. They are wonderful, amazing blessings, but He has to come first.
When you go through something hard, people say things like "Oh, you're so strong." Truth is, I'm not. Not even a little bit. But God is. All I have to do is trust Him and I'm learning to do that more every day.
So...our family will never really be complete this side of Heaven, but I have joy & peace with my little family.
Here are the lyrics to Completely by Among the Thirsty. The part that says "I let your gifts take the place of you"...that part really stood out to me.
I'm feeling so small
Standing here weeping
As I'm coming clean
Of the secrets I'm keeping
I've caused so much pain
To the ones I love the most
And I'm falling apart
As I carry my heart to Your throne
I am completely surrendering
Finally giving You everything
You're my redeemer, I run to the cross
Because You are more than enough
Lord complete me
Cause I'm Yours completely
I'm letting go
There's nothing I own
The treasures I held
Just weighed down my soul
And there's nothing left
Inside of me
But a longing for You
And a longing to be the man that You need
I am completely surrendering
Finally giving You everything
You're my redeemer, I run to the cross
Because You are more than enough
Lord complete me
Cause I'm Yours completely
I let Your gifts take the place of you
But You pulled up my selfishness from it's roots
I am a broken and fragile me
But I'm where You want me to be
I am completely surrendering
Finally giving You everything
You're my redeemer, I run to the cross
Because You are more than enough
Lord complete me
Cause I'm Yours completely
Lord complete me
Cause I'm Yours completely
Well, this has been your dose of randomness for this evening. For some more randonmess, I found out I have a genetic mutation (MTHFR gene mutation) so I'm pretty sure I can join the X-men now :) Turns out my body can't properly use folic acid so I have to take a different form, called methylfolate. It may have played a part in my miscarriage and also makes it that much more amazing that Kiley is here! and healthy!
Okay, that is all! :)
